I am not your mother’s life coach.
It’s startling how life can change in an instant.
Seven years ago, my life felt safe, comfortable and predictable. Then one day, in an instance, all that I thought WAS, no longer existed. Suddenly, life sucker punched me. I was K.O’d. Knocked OUT. Every fear I harbored in my subconscious was in front of me. I felt dread, betrayal, and grief like I had never experienced before. You see, what I know for sure is that life happens to us by nothing happening or everything happening at once. My lesson came in the ladder.
What the hell was going on?
I was told by those who loved me that “This too shall pass.” I was told, “Everything happens for a reason.” I was told “Don’t worry, everything will work out!” I didn’t dare express how I really felt because it was clear my grief made those around me uncomfortable. Internally, I questioned which part of my life should I pretend to be happy about… my best friend of 30 years sudden death, having a son who struggling with developmental issues, having someone stalk and threaten my family or the constant daily brutal public scrutiny of my husband? Please tell me how to put a positive spin on this? I couldn’t. I didn’t. And I couldn’t see the good I had in my life for being consumed by what I had lost.
All I wanted to do was shut my front door, crawl up underneath my sheets, close the blinds and sleep until…. Until what? I had no idea but I was foggy, tired and oh so sleepy. With a 1 –year -old, 2-year-old and 6-year-old, I didn’t have the luxury of sleeping. So, I did as many of us do. I kept it moving! But at what cost? Anxiety attacks, a strained marriage, being disconnected from everything that truly mattered to me? I made up my mind that the show must go on. I behaved the way I thought I “should” behave… had my heart not been broken into unrecognizable pieces.